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Ugh Why are you are drinking that? ( because I WANT TO)
You got red, I don’t like red? ( Ahhh, Ok...)
I could never travel as much as you, that is way too much, I’d rather buy a purse or stay home … ( Blank stare)
You have way more friends than me, I don’t do people like that but that’s you…( side eye)
Ugh, why you always wearing dresses….( I love dresses and my legs)
Your videocast was good this time, it hasn’t always been good….( THANK YOU)
I don’t like short hair on women ….( SO WHAT)
I don’t date women who wear black fingernail polish…. ( SO WHAT)
Your hair is cute, I like this better than what the last person did on you….
Why are you putting your heels on for a picture, you act like it’s your wedding ….
(who knew wanting my heels on in a picture was a crime) …….
These are just a few of the comments that I have heard from associates, and “friends” ……. I guess I should be happy that these folks say it to my face huh. LOL , The audacity!
As I was reflecting on several other moments, comments, and the things I hear and how I am perceived by others I find myself chuckling at the thought of changing because of what they said. I first thought of the audacious nature by which the comments are made and then I thought about the unapologetic way that I show up in spaces and why I WILL NOT CHANGE who I am to suffice other people’s thoughts and projections. Some things people will like, some things people will NOT and for that I am grateful. (You should be too!)
After the chuckle, I asked myself “Are you guilty of doing this to others? Have you ever? “ and I could not put my finger on any instances where I was dishing this energy out because my focus is always on all that a person IS with no true focus or investment in what they are NOT because that’s not my business, yet in the event that I ever have in my life, I have to say publicly I APOLOGIZE to YOU!!
FYI - That is the only time I will APOLOGIZE in this entire entry ….
Back to the moment….
I have never really been bothered by the comments, but I do take them in for reflection and as I did so I realized for people that are NOT built like me with the tough skin or those not apart of the unbothered ministry, these words and statements could present damaging and hurtful. In most cases when it comes to any relationship, family, friend, or frenemy it is NOT what you say, it’s 100% how you say it and your intentions behind it. Someone asked me this weekend “Why do people focus on what they are NOT so much?” I responded and said “PEOPLE.” Be it comparison to others, the thoughts one has created in their head about themselves or something somebody else said to them at one point in their life it created what we all are witnessing today. The ROOT of it remains PEOPLE and this creation of the pseudo-ENOUGH barometer that is based on how others SEE them and NOT who they really are!!
This has to change.
We have to combat and reduce the Audacious nature in which we approach the people we love.
We also have to step into our most unapologetic space and stand on it no matter the environment.
As we embark upon another Thanksgiving holiday, I know many singles, divorcee’s and even some married couples are dreading those family Q &A ‘s that include bringing up everything that you don’t have, don’t do or your status in relationship, careers, motherhood and more. I encourage you to use this week as practice for the new and improved unapologetic nature and posture that you will embody in this season to close out the year and to walk into the new year ahead.
Keep these reminders on deck when you hear something set out to get you to apologize for being YOU or to bully you into being what others want you to be:
-JUDGE not less you be JUDGED (That’s bible) …
-YOU ARE enough just like you are …. You have nothing to prove!
-Your favorite color is your favorite color for a reason, nobody must like it!
-Timing is everything. You don’t have to rush the process for a picture or people that you don’t like anyway. You waited too long to do it wrong. (MESSAGE)
-Their way is not the only way, your way can work too! (I like tequila, you like rum, either can make a cocktail 😊)
Moral of Story: Free yourself from the opinions of others and be THANKFUL for all the amazing ways GOD designed you. Different, Dynamic and Destined!
I just became like the Pastor who uses their family and children as an example every Sunday, lol. (Friends we have reached a new height, be easy when you are around me it could end up here LOL)
Ps. Also - Stop redirecting to your flaws when people give you a compliment - TAKE IT and say THANK YOU!
Have a Happy Thanksgiving , I love you!
Respectfully,
Your sister in Realness,
R. Rene’
