Control Zone- A moment of Truth
The past few weeks have felt like a combination of two Mary J Blige albums, what’s the 411 and Share my World both put together lol. When I was growing up we would joke that Mary made better music when she was hurt than when she was happy. I sometimes think that for singers and writers alike this theory may have some truth in it. We tend be able to write better stories and share better words of encouragement when we have been through an experience. I always attempt to share both the good and the bad so folks won’t have a false perspective when challenges arise and we don’t get so comfortable with GOOD that we forget BAD things happen to GOOD people! That line alone could be another blog in itself but for today I’ll just stick to the script.
I don’t know about you but I have a huge vice or character flaw if you will on my back. That vice is referred to as“CONTROL”. Some of you may also be on a first name basis with the same or personally have battles with it in your own dealings. We mean well, we do so with no malicious intent but a lot of times this thing can HURT more than HELP! I have to share this great moment of transparency with you, my readers, supporters, friends and family because I need a few more people to admit that this is an issue and deal with it from the root. The first step in getting FREE is acknowledgement. Growing up as an only child if I did not clean up my room there was no one to blame but me …if something was broken I was responsible , what was mine was mine and mine alone. You would think that would give you a selfish child but instead it made for an extremely self-sufficient child. One that never looked for additional validation, one who could play well with others but whom also learned the art of responsibility and ownership early on. The older I get the more I realize my subconscious nature is to want things my way… I had to lay the foundation so you could understand why or where this came from. Rather you’re an only child, older child or even the youngest child you all have experienced the“I will just do it myself moment” rather than something not be done correctly. The unfortunate result of having this experience is doing so repeatedly and not giving others a chance to do their part. Many times even when they do their part you deem so as NOT good enough but only because you did not have a hand in it. This my friends is CONTROL… For me I have taken my own trash out since the teenage years, I’ve always washed my own dishes ( even when I had a housekeeper), I’ve always loved myself and did nice things for me , so again I control what happens to me. Yep, that’s the attitude I subconsciously carried for years ….I was too strong to be hurt and too much of a BOSS to be micro-managed. My creativity needed space and even when things are GREAT there was still more that could be done…Any of this sound familiar in your world?
I must say that this character trait has caused me to sometimes be inconsiderate and honestly a tad bit spoiled. Bottom-line: I like controlled outcomes and so do you.
I want to help someone today….The simple truth is “YOU CAN’T CONTROL EVERYTHING”~ Many times the situations and experiences you encounter are necessary. If you controlled every outcome you would never LEARN a thing and you would begin to give yourself a tad bit too much credit and fail to appreciate the life lessons that are attached to others around you. You’ve based your moves on so many personal wrong answers that you have failed to see the effects it has on others….It’s unfair…. STOP IT.
“Being UNTEACHABLE is a very dangerous place to be in “
A recent life lesson + personal self-discovery has taught me to pay closer attention to that take –over spirit…..I realized that Take charge and Take over are two very different things and it’s important that you stay within limits to be effective in the lives of others. In the past two weeks I have tried to control situations that were beyond my control ….I said things pre-maturely, I spoke instead of listening and took action when I was previously prompted to do nothing. For example, I had a huge disagreement with a friend it caused me to be both upset and hurt. Without regard to how the disagreement affected the other party I personally began to focus on what it would take to make “me” feel better. I knew I needed to talk it through again, have a face- 2 -face and get to the bottom of the disconnect immediately. I found myself placing pressure on the other party for the sake of making ME feel better. Do you hear how selfish that sounds (me, me, me, and me)? After my friend’s no interest in obliging to my pressing request I realized that I cannot control the way others deal with situations and neither can you! (Husbands, Wives, Siblings you may know this all very well too lol) We want people to forgive on our time, come to our rescue in our time, and talk when we want to talk but we do NOT extend the same GRACE or COURTESY to them in return. If we don't feel like it , its supposed to be acceptable, right? The harsh reality is that we try to use these same tactics with GOD , We like to rush our healing , rush our blessing or his answers to our situations and when he does not oblige as fast as we like we disrespect the process and take things into our own hands. “How’s that working out for you? “
That’s the question I heard so very clear and I realized I must change in order to receive all the promises over my life. I am sharing this because I know there is someone reading this who has tried everything in their power to fix a situation, relationship or business deal and things just don’t seem to be working as you thought they would. SO you decide you are going to create a new plan with your same attitude, demeanor and approach I am here to tell you IT WON’T WORK. You must surrender your way and have the internal aptitude and attitude to digest the help being placed at your feet. You just haven't seen it because u has been blinded by your own ways! Dare 2 be different?
“Be Honest when your way does NOT work “- Joseph Walker III
3 Helpful Tips to deal with the CONTROL ZONE
1. Listen MORE, TALK less; YOU TALK WAYYY too much you need to cut it lol, start listening more and you may hear a few things that can prevent you from ever falling into the zone.
“Just because you mean WELL does NOT mean it will be received WELL”
2. STOP hanging with folks you DO NOT TRUST- If you trust your neighbor or friend why is it so complicated for you to relinquish control? When you trust them enough to lead or help you with anything you tend to leave the urge to control in its box because you believe in their ability to produce and follow-thru as if you were doing so yourself.
“I never desired to be the smartest in the room; and neither should you “
3. Be patient – Yes it’s uncomfortable and I know you have all the answers. There is a process that has to take place in every situation. Some people shower longer than others in the end they both come out clean. ( Bad analogy but you get the gist) lol
4. Let someone else HELP you- I know this all too well but I must say I did not know until recently I walk as if I need nothing until I met a person that reminded me I needed something! Let neither pride nor fear stop you for getting the help you need from others.
Don't fret , change is coming....We're still human , just know when to take the cape off!
“The gifts you don’t possess can be found in others, If only you allow it. “