Challenged to LIVE!
November is here... and the countdown has begun! Thanksgiving, Christmas and before you know it NEW YEARS! I know the past few weeks all of my blog intro's reference TIME, DATES and the NEW YEAR. Just to clear the air and settle your wondering minds I am simply fascinated by how fast TIME is moving and each day I realize more and more TIME WAITS FOR NO ONE. That alone keeps me motivated to LIVE a life worth living.
The past few days have been pretty challenging. Challenging in my thoughts, emotions and ironically challenging because of an internal FEAR that seems so real at times. My family endured the loss of 2 family members over the past few days. 1 on Sunday and another on yesterday morning. As I reflected on the memories of each of these individuals I laughed, I cried and I connected emotionally to a place within myself of acceptance of DEATH. I use to live life in FEAR of death...I can transparently share this story now unashamed at my lack of understanding or what I call my lack of desire to understand it. When it's old age sure they lived a life well-spent , young ( unfair, they had so much life left to live) , when it's someone living a life less pleasing to others ( what happened to one more chance, GOD), I mean growing up this is how I perceived Death. Yes, I am a seasoned Christian Woman, I know GOD for myself, LOVE HIM with all that is in me and still my perception of Death was all biased and based on personal emotion and lack of interest in what the WORD said about death besides HEAVEN and HELL for which I knew I did not want to go!
I had a few deaths back to back at the close of 2004 and throughout 2005 in the height of my mid 20's where life was good and decisions about my future were being well established....but there was much many did not know. NO one knew that the reason I never left my home unclean when I left for work was not just because I have OCD tendencies but more because I knew what it felt like to have to fin through someone’s' things post death and not know where to begin to look ....no one knew that my prayers at night were different- That I pleaded with GOD to keep me one more day to do XYZ because it was that important to me.....NO one knew that I began forcing my grandmother to say I LOVE YOU DAILY even though it was possibly uncomfortable to her...NO one knew that I lived each day as if it were my last because I never wanted to take a day's moment for granted. This cycle continued for almost a year. I was completely conscious of each move I made and ensured that everyone around me knew how much their existence meant to me... One would think that doing this was GOOD but for me it was TERRIBLE because I did it out of FEAR and there was so much ANIEXTY attached to every smile, every word and every hug....it was not until I became at PEACE with LIFE and DEATH that I was able to truly LIVE. My actions then began to SHIFT and I enjoyed those same moments for what they were. No longer considering the past days nor the Future days but more importantly the PRESENT day!
I am sharing this today to encourage someone out there to LIVE out TODAY! Not Tomorrow, Not next week, TODAY! We talk about it often but it’s dear to me because people are suffering ALIVE! It's not until you understand LIFE ITSELF that you can TRULY LIVE. You will not always agree with people, you will misinterpret ones thoughts and actions, you will sometimes get in your feelings and quite honestly you will want to walk away from everything you LOVE & DESIRE at one point or another but that same FIRE you feel when you are in that moment is the same FIRE that will hold you in the present day when times get COLD.
So many of our relationships, families and friendships are DEAD yet we are INDIVIDUALLY LIVING...... FIX IT! Tomorrow is not promised.....As cliché' as it sounds its true! Many days I log on FB and IG and see a LIKE from a person who is no longer physically alive...I scrolled my contact list to make a call on Sunday and noticed two numbers with pics that I neglected to delete of two people who are now deceased. That moment reminded me how QUICKLY things change.......why not live in LOVE?
1. Call that family member/Friend who owes you $$ and just say HELLO (Rule #1- You never lend what you expect back anyway)
2. Say I LOVE YOU (No matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel, believe me hearing it makes a world of difference don't assume they know)
3. Stop JUDGING folks for doing what you do in PRIVATE in PUBLIC (Self-Truth)
4. FORGIVE -Parents/Family/Friends/Spouse/Mate/Siblings
5. Treat your LIFE as the best GIFT you have RECEIVED and USE IT!
This will be easy for some and hard for others but I guarantee you if you practice this new behavior for the next 21 days every moment you are blessed to LIVE will look different!
Love you all with my whole-heart,
" My heart will not live a day alone" -RR